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Being Myself



Sitting in the park, looking at tall trees, and listening to silence of mid afternoon,I am reflecting: how should I live my life?


The first scenario is to be a “good girl”. How? Listen to my parents, follow their old rules, marry the boy they choose, and take pride in fulfilling my role as a woman.


Second scenario is to be a “modern girl”. How? Go to parties, have friends, dream of marrying a prince charm, love getting ready, wear stylish dresses, and believe that the goal of life is to be beautiful, charming, and attractive.




First scenario belongs to  “traditional girl”. She is obedient to her family, dreaming of the day her father will find a suitable boy with whom she will explore the world. She may wear a salwar-saree in her in-laws’ house but is excited to wear short skirts on her honeymoon. Her father has been worried since her birth about finding a groom with a government job, good property, and a respected family. Once the search is complete, he has saved enough money for her dowry, and she has a list ready of the things she needs in it.


From my experience, I have observed these two kinds of girls. But as I dig deeper into myself, a question always lingers—who am I? Am I traditional or modern? Should I fulfill my family’s expectations, or am I missing something by not enjoying life? I will explore these answers through my writing.


I love visiting ancient places—forts, temples, monuments, palaces, ghats—though I haven’t traveled much yet. But I want to. These places witnessed history, a deep sense of peace, and an imaginative doorway into the past. I wonder how people once lived there, how they followed their customs, values, and traditions. What did women do? Was life joyful or sorrowful?


I love to sit in nature .It gives me a sense of openness and vastness—something our fast-paced minds need. Just lie down on your terrace under the night sky and observe the stars twinkling, the moon shining, and the planets moving. Go to a park, find an isolated, peaceful place. If it’s winter, the experience is even better. Enjoy the warmth of the sun, immerse yourself in the stillness of trees, the greenery of the grass, and the silence of the surroundings. Sit calmly and write down your thoughts, rhythmically. Don’t worry about structure—just enjoy the flow of writing.


I haven’t traveled much, but my frequent exam centers in Delhi have given me a chance to explore. And I have realized—I love being my own boss. I enjoy solitude. I prefer traveling alone in an auto, metro, or bus rather than being in a car. There’s no freedom, especially when with family. As a daughter, you are always under their watch, always within the boundaries of their expectations. Another restriction, another attack on my personal freedom.


I love exploring different places—whether ancient sites or natural landscapes—but in my own way. I wear loose clothes, simple haircuts, carry my lunch and water bottle, and explore freely. I don’t feel pressured to look “girly” or “smart.” I just want to absorb the place’s energy.


I suppose this makes me modern, because I expect to live freely. Otherwise, in India, it’s often said that girls should only travel with their husbands. I remember once, during a school vacation, I told my mother I wanted to go on a holiday. Her response? “Go out with your husband.” The irony was, I was still in school.


So yes, I have modern thoughts—I crave independence. But I also love traditional things: visiting ancient places, sitting under a tree by a river over any  hotels, cafés, restaurants. I prefer simple, loose traditional clothing over trendy fashion. I love reading novels and watching shows that revolve around tradition, values, and culture.


So, who am I? Modern or traditional?


Let me explore further.


In today’s world, I find myself drawn to Mirabai and Radha-Krishna. I love Mirabai’s devotion to Krishna. She rejected all roles society defined for her as a woman—choosing her love and devotion to Krishna above all.


In today’s time, I want to be Meera.


Sitting in bars, chasing luxuries—that’s not my dream. I imagine Krishna dancing, singing, and playing the flute under moonlit trees with the gopis. I wish I could join them.


So, I think I am neither traditional nor modern. I am beyond both.


Timeless. Eternal. Authentic.


In harmony with life.

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